Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
