and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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