I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
