So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
