I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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