Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
