Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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