He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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