Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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