can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
