Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
