I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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