I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
