He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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