Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
