I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
