the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
