think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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