Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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