They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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