I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
