i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
