I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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