dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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