I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
