PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
