i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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