My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
honey bunches of taint.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
