I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
