how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He? As in you personified your dick?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
