So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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