I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I didn't notice because vodka
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
