so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
