he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
