talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
