I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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