but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
