I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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