Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i will never coherently bang her
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
