just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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