Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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