people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
