your thong is hanging out like whoa
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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