he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
