just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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