Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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