why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
