i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
this just has baby written all over it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
