just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Boobs are out for the taking
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
