I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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