shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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