Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
These tits shall not be calmed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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