Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
