Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
