Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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