Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
