I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
