My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
